Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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