Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
