sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
