Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We got so high we made milksteak
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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