I want to stick my p in your. b.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize