So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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