I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
