both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
