Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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