i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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