dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
