I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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