i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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