I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Randomize
