Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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