listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
