You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
