I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
