i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
