I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
