I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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