if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
