He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
