Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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