Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Randomize
