You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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