I want to make a zoo with you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize