Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
