also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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