guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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