yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
