I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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