Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
