Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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