the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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