I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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