i jhust puked up my retainher.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
