You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
