Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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