i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
