you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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