farters have to be the big spoon...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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