the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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