big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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