need another drink. this is the easiest way
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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