Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
