he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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