So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
