remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
