I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
