the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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