suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
