a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
