Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
