i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
