omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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