"it" just moved
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
