Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
whose parrot is this?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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