Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
