Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
