Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
