even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A bitchslap is in order.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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