I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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